Trust and Faith

by Amy Straub 

I will be very honest. I was not feeling this trip. It was a lot to wrap my head around. I have summer camp to plan for The Well. I have my own kids who need me. I don’t have a passport. I have never been anywhere. God has called me to work in Downingtown, not Africa. I had decided this years ago and I was content. 

BUT, I had an invitation from
my mom and Cammy to join on this trip because there would be opportunities to connect with preschool and after-school programs through Mosaic and Ma’s of Wellington. My 2 jobs. My 2 passions. Ok I was listening. But probably couldn’t go. The timing was the small window between the close of preschool and the start of The Well summer camp. Well that’s great, but probably a window too tight, and so on. However, despite my efforts to try to dig for reasons that this would not work, it was materializing all too easily. My husband and my daughters were telling me to go. My first ever passport came in plenty of time despite delays I had heard about, and I was about to experience something big, something very different like it or not!

It became clear in a few moments time from our first stop in to the preschool that this was going to be something life-changing. I was grabbed by an woman that I’ve never met who hugged me harder than I have ever been hugged and told me she loved me. A white girl from the USA. Why?! I had done nothing yet to prove that I was worth this kind of celebration. But in 4 days time I have come to understand this concept of universal love like I have never seen. I am loved in her eyes because I exist. Simple as that. 

I have already had experiences that I will never forget. Two tiny, little children crawling into my lap during their circle time just to be held and loved. Just to give love back to me as a perfect stranger. Clearly I have a heart for small people as a preschool teacher. But actually something has been pulling me very hard to the Mosaic afterschool program teenagers that we have been spending time with.  I work with teens at The Well. I have teenagers. And to be honest, a teenage break sounded kind of nice and yet I find myself thinking about these 10 kids nonstop. We have played silly games together and laughed a lot. But in one of our discussion times sweet Esona asked, “How do you know if the voice in your head is God taking to you? Or just your own thoughts?” It sparked amazing conversation among all of us and I felt really pulled to her as an adult struggling with the same question. I shared with her the idea that I did not want to go on this trip. I was scared. And that God did not speak to me in some loud, powerful voice. But he gently nudged me by lining things up so that it worked. Allowing me no out no matter how hard I tried to find it. He didn’t work through my ears but rather my heart, my gut, my supportive family. I heard myself talking about trust and faith in a way that I had not before this trip. Or maybe ever. 

I will see Esona tomorrow for the last time before we head into the second half of this journey. And I will soak up her face and her smile and store them in my brain. For good. Did I really need to travel 8,000 miles to have a conversation with a 15 year-old about listening and trust and faith to understand my own purpose for this journey? Apparently so…..